I sat in an A&W in Winnipeg thinking about all the people driving by, all of the buildings in the city full of people, and then I expanded that to all the cities around the world, full of people. Then I thought about how God speaks to me through dreams, and through His still small voice, and through circumstances, and that He has the ability to communicate with everyone around the world all at the same time. He is omnipresent. It amazed me for a minute but I have also read that to some people He will say, I never knew you. That will be sad.
Why would God be bothered with my little problems, my issues when the world is so full of bigger problems? I have heard people say this. And the only way I know to answer is, He is a personal God, a father. He doesn’t react to our needs, He responds to faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God.
How can I believe that my problems are something He would be interested in? He knows how many hairs we have on our heads, there is nowhere in the sky or under the sea that we can be out of His range. He loves us and wants us to cast all of our cares on Him because He cares for us. He says that if we have any fears at all then we haven’t been made perfect in Him because perfect love casts out all fear. He is love.
To me that means: if I don’t have to fear then He will take care of that which could make me afraid. I just need to believe it and trust Him to correct the situation. Twice this week God has done this for me. In those situations I gave the issues to Him and the fear went away and He gave us the answers.
(I haven’t fully been made perfect, how do I know that? Because I still fear, sometimes. And there are things I have not yet conquered with His help. But He says that All things are possible with Him and All things are possible to Him who believes and He is able to do more for us than we can ask or think. So I know I’m on the right track and I have seen Him do what I just said, many times. So I push on. The bolded writings are parts of scriptures that are written below. Your faith will grow as you read them. My blog entries are evidence that believing God’s word brings experience, love, help and guidance from Father God.
What you believe about God is important. We choose to believe, or come to believe and then we trust Him. And as we seek Him and believe His word we experience His love. He has enough for all of us and He wants to give to us abundantly.
John 10:27-30(AMP) The sheep that are My own hear My voice and listen to Me; I know them, and they follow Me. 28 And I give them eternal life, and they will never, ever [by any means] perish; and no one will ever snatch them out of My hand.
1 Kings 19:11 (NKJV) Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
Matthew 7:21-23 (AMP) “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.22 Many will say to Me on that day [when I judge them], ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, and driven out demons in Your name, and done many miracles in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them publicly, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME [you are banished from My presence], YOU WHO ACT WICKEDLY [disregarding My commands].’
Mark 11:24 (NKJV) Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV) But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Luke 12:6-7 (NKJV) “Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. 7 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
’Psalm 139:8 (NKJV) If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
1 Peter 5:7 (NKJV) casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
1 John 4:18 (NKJV) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:8 (NKJV) He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
Philippians 4:13 (NKJV) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (If you want to see what perfect love looks like you can look these verses up)
Mark 9: 23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”
Ephesians 3:18-21 (AMP) be fully capable of comprehending with all the saints (God’s people) the width and length and height and depth of His love [fully experiencing that amazing, endless love];
19 and [that you may come] to know [practically, through personal experience] the love of Christ which far surpasses [mere] knowledge [without experience], that you may be filled up [throughout your being] to all the fullness of God [so that you may have the richest experience of God’s presence in your lives, completely filled and flooded with God Himself].
20 Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.
For some reason, and I think it is both nature and nurture, I grew up harboring and exuding a lot of fear. I didn’t like it and I tried everything to both keep from getting into situations where I would be afraid and on the other hand from letting myself feel afraid when I was in tough situations. But fear plagued me and was closer to my brain than my right ear.
As I write these blog enters, I will share stories that started out as fears that I was not able to bring under submission until I learned this life lesson. I learned to cast my fear off like a backpack full of cement and leave it with God and when I did He would fix it.
1 John 4:18New King James Version (NKJV)
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
The problems He hasn’t been able to help me with are the ones where I let the fear-thoughts make me pick up that back pack again and sling it over my back because I didn’t have the confidence that He would fix it or I wasn’t patient enough to wait for Him to answer.
I went into the hospital once for out-patient surgery. In other words it was nothing to get my shirt tied in a knot about. My concern was that it was 11:15 am and I had low blood sugar and I could feel it. (This is a condition I have battled since I was a small child.) In this situation I was scared of a few things. One, that I had taken a day off work, stayed in the city and if my blood sugar was low they might not be able to do the surgery. Two, that they would do the surgery and my blood sugar would drop and I would die on the table. Only little fears, right?
So I said this prayer. God if I’m going to die on the table don’t let me have the operation but I want to get it over with so please let me have the operation today and keep me alive through it. Thank You. Then I chose to believe that God would answer. I believed I would be having the operation and I would live through it. I left no room in my head for doubts.
A nurse came out and got me from the waiting room. Upon looking at my chart she said, “You have hypoglycemia?”
I said, “Yes and my sugar is on its way down.”
She poked my finger and said, “Yes it is. You should have been our first patient this morning.”
“I thought my appointment was 9:30.” I said.
“They must have bumped you.” The nurse said. “I will get you in as soon as possible. I will get you a wheelchair and a warm blanket. We don’t want you using up any more blood sugar not even to keep your body warm.”
I was all tucked in under a couple of warm blankets when the nurse came back. I told her that I couldn’t have cookies and juice when I came out of the operation.
“Oh right,” she said. “How about toast, peanut butter, and water?”
“Perfect,” I said. This lady seemed to know how to take care of me pretty good. I thought.
I heard the nurse talking to four different nurses explaining to them how I couldn’t tolerate sugar, none of them seemed to know the extent of it without her explanation. When she came back, I asked, “How do you know so much about this?”
“I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia fifteen years ago.” she said.
From that second on I smiled. My nurse was probably the only one in the hospital who had the same condition I had. I knew God had prearranged my nurse and I knew I was going to wake up from the operation. The nurse was amused at my smile. I told her that I might write about her in a book someday. She told me that her husband was a minister and he was writing a book. God had left me no room to wonder if this was a coincidence.
I could never have left that prayer with God if I hadn’t heard these scriptures, come to understand them, and learned to have faith in God. Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. Romans 10:17
The promise I was thinking about at the moment was; "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."Psalm:1(KJV)
I had put my mind into a state of completely trusting that God would help me. The truth is sometimes when I'm trying to do this for a longer time it is more of a fight to stay in this frame of mind, unless my faith is really built up with God's promises on the subject. In this case it was a short time and the answers to prayer I'd had before helped me to trust.
Mark 11:24 (NKJV)
24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
Cast all of your cares on me because I care for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NKJV)
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Hebrews 6:12 (NKJV)
12 that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
2 Peter 1:4 (NKJV)
4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
2 Corinthians 1:20 (NKJV) For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
I love that God has already said "yes" to His promises.
I was about to graduate high school, enjoy a normal summer, and then go off to hair school when my Uncle asked me to fly to BC and spend three weeks with him and his wife. I loved my Uncle and was up for an adventure so I said, “yes.” This wasn’t my first trip to BC. My Mom had taken me out to see my Uncle shortly after my fourth birthday. Now sixteen years later I was going again. A lot had happened in those sixteen years. My Dad had passed away, we had moved off the farm, I struggled to settle into a new school and I had grown up.
My Uncle had taken an interest in me and my siblings from the time I was little, always requesting our school pictures, sending letters, and coming to see us when he came to Manitoba. He showed even more interest in me after my Dad passed away.
I flew to BC and my Uncle met me, with a hug, at the Victoria airport. It felt a little strange to be hugged by a man, a father type. This wasn’t his fault, I had learned over the last ten years that some men in that age group couldn’t be trusted.
I loved the scenery and all the spots Uncle John, Aunt Helen and I, stopped as we drove to their home in Youbou, on Lake Cowichan. We pulled up in front of his garage and Uncle John pulled the garage door up to reveal his shop and the stairs going up to their kitchen. I had never seen a kitchen on the second floor of a house before. He showed me the clock he was making for me, out of a tree knot and a clock kit. He was in the polishing stage. I was honored.
Every morning, Uncle John would put his paper down and say “where is my hug?” The first time he did this I felt first a little in shock, and next a little suspicious, and then it felt good.
We would have breakfast and then take Uncle John’s two dachshunds for a walk. During the day he and Aunt Helen would take me on trips in every direction. We saw every waterfall, beach, and mountain for miles around. As we traveled and toured parks and other tourist spots, my Uncle John was not afraid to show me how he felt. He would help me, along with Aunt Helen, down from high places as we walked and he would put his arm around our necks, and we would talk. We had trips, just the two of us, as well, to get the mail or to go swimming or tour a park. One day my Uncle John said, “Did you know that I’m treating you like I do my daughters?”
I said, “Yes.” Although I hadn’t been treated like a daughter for many years and I wasn’t sure what that would be like, and I hadn’t seen much of Uncle John with his daughters so I didn’t have anything to compare it to. It was a choice to choose to trust that he was treating me like his daughters it didn’t come easy.
It was difficult for me because my dad had passed away when I was six and my step father tried in some ways, but had no idea how to be a father. I was more afraid of him, than I ever felt loved and safe with him. I had to remind myself that this was my uncle and he had two daughters of his own and I wanted to believe his motives were pure.
I loved my time with my Uncle John that summer. I wish I could go back and live it again and because of my experiences with his love, I would feel freer to be myself and let him be that father figure he wanted to be. It was a summer I will never forget.
Uncle John came to Manitoba and said the toast to the bride at my first wedding and my husband and I went out to BC for our honeymoon. We went to a lot of places Uncle John had taken me to.
Uncle John only came to Manitoba once after that and his letters slowed down and the last Christmas card I got from him said that he wasn’t sure if he had already sent me a card, but he wanted to make sure I got one. I was grateful. I called him a couple of times after that because I knew he was losing his memory.
We went out to BC once, but my family told me that Uncle John wouldn’t know me and I didn’t think I wanted to experience that. On another trip out though I did decide to go and see him. I set my plans after hearing a story about a person with low functioning autism. This person had grown up to live a very normal life and said when he was young even though he couldn’t understand the world around him or get what he was thinking out, he was in there and wanted to communicate. It made me realize that my Uncle, suffering with Alzheimer’s, was in there also and he could know that I was there.
I said that to my cousin and my Aunt after I arrived in BC. I explained autism and then I said he could know I am there. On the way to the senior’s home I said a prayer. I said, “God, just have him know I’m there.”
I remember what the road looked like in the place where I prayed. The inside of the vehicle, the green grass, and the rocks that went straight up into a cliff off to the west of the road on the way to Ladysmith.
My cousin told me that Uncle John hadn’t know anyone for five years and that he had run away from them a couple of times because they were too close and he didn’t know them .
We walked in the front door of the nursing home and there was Uncle John looking the same as he had the last time I had seen him. He still had all of his white hair and barely any wrinkles. He sat as still as a rock and he didn’t even move as we came up to him. I purposely didn’t touch him, I didn’t want him to run from us. My cousin touched him though and said, “Dad you are cold.”
I think he had just forgotten to move. Aunt Helen went to his room and got him a sweater. We put his sweater on him and I stayed in my squatted position in front of him. His eyes were glazed over. My cousin Andrea started talking about the family history that my other Aunt Helen had sent out from Manitoba and how Uncle John had recognized some of the names and turned toward her when they were spoken.
When Andrea said the name Aunt Helen, Uncle John turned and looked at her. She told him who she and Aunt Helen were and he thought Aunt Helen was Andrea. Andrea asked him if he knew his brother Gordon’s, daughter.
He said “Yes.”
She said “Marj Howden?”
He said, “Yes.”
She said, “Turn and look, she’s right in front of you.”
He turned and looked at me, his eyes were clearing and he smiled at me. “ And aren’t you a pretty girl.” he said.
“That’s what you said to me 16 years ago.” I said, “And that’s because I’m a Howden.”
“And that’s not such a bad thing.” he said.
Andrea asked me to repeat what he said. So I did. Upon reading this she reminded me that Uncle John had taken my hand and held it. I recalled that when she said it.
Then a nurse stopped by and told us they were taking them out in a boat ride later that day. We asked Uncle John if he was going to go fishing and he said “no” and he told us he had given up fishing because he had to clean them after. We all laughed.
My Aunt Helen and Andrea stepped outside.
I told Uncle John that I was thankful to him that he had treated me like a daughter when I was out visiting him after I graduated.
He said, “I’m so glad I did,” he smiled and I could tell he was trying to stay out with me.
I hugged and kissed him I’m sure three times and said, “I love you” and “Good bye.” It was hard to leave him but I also felt I had been given a very special gift.
I stepped outside and my cousin said “You knew didn’t you.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, I wish I had prayed, “Just have him know that we’re there.” so he would have recognized Aunt Helen and Andrea more, as well. All I could say was that God had answered prayers for me before and this was an important one. Uncle John passed away just a few months later and my cousin and my aunt came out to see me and my family the next spring. My cousin repeated what she said before. “You knew didn’t you?”
How I would answer that now is “I released my faith and God answered. Mark 11:24 “Whatever you ask for in prayer believe that your receive it and you shall have it.”
Matthew 21:22 “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”
The other correlation I see from this part of my life is how many time God answered my prayers and showed me he loved me and I still didn’t trust Him as easily as He wanted me to. He wanted to be my father when I was fatherless.